I already touched upon the problem of scams in the international dating scene in Russia and Ukraine in the previous chapter. Yet, scams in this field are much more varied and complex than just girls dating westerners while they are already married or bringing their boyfriend to dates claiming he’s her brother.
In fact, it doesn’t even have to be a girl scamming you! When you are writing to a beautiful Natasha it can actually be a Boris sending you emails out there!
To avoid scams beware of simple rules.
- IT’S BETTER TO SEE ONCE THAN TO READ A 1000 EMAILS
– Make sure you have a Skype video call or some phone conversations with the lady you are corresponding with to see who you are REALLY in contact with. If she never answers the phone or refuses to show her face on the camera that’s a red light. A lady might get busy and can’t be expected to spend days doing video chat with you or talking to you on the phone, but a 5-minute video or audio conversation at an appointed time shouldn’t be a problem. Even if she hasn’t got a PC at home, there are Internet cafes and libraries offering access to public PCs.
- USE COMMON SENSE
– First of all, if you are dating a sincere girl and not a scammer, she probably has her life, her work, family and friends in her country. And it’s unrealistic to think she can give all these up in a day’s time to travel oceans away to be with you. It takes someone time to arrange their matters in their own country before they can start life anywhere else. So if she promises to come over and be your wife next week or next month, asking you for visa and travel money without even a couple real-life meetings and thorough planning on such a serious decision, you should strongly doubt her honesty!
– Same with “falling in love at first sight” and wanting to be your soul-mate and mother of your kids after one or two emails back and forth. Real relationships take time to develop and start off with a real-life meeting, friendship and some chemistry. And those don’t happen in a week’s time.
– If you are hitting your 60ies and she’s just 20 and head over heels in love with you according to her letters, or if you are coming from a tiny country-side town and she’s a model looking beauty who lives in a big megapolitan city and still dreams of coming to be with you, help plant corn in your farm and milk your cows as long as you send her money for visa and trip – question yourself, what are the odds of her really being sincere?
– Is age difference itself an issue? Yes, it certainly is. Just remember physical attraction is part of an adequate relationship and it’s difficult for a young girl to feel attracted to someone who is old enough to be her grand-dad. Russian women, in general, are more tolerant to age difference with their partners on the average. But everything has its limits as you know. And a relationship of two people with a 30-year-old gap would still be possible but only as a huge exception (like when 2 people have something really unique in common, like both of them being reborn Christians, belonging to same rare religious cult, sharing some very rare interests, lady losing her father at a young age and looking for a father figure to replace the loss, etc.) And this isn’t a rule at all!
- MAKE SURE SHE HAS GENUINE INTEREST IN YOU
– When you come to meet your pen-pal in real life try to sense the girl’s attitude towards you like you would with a girl in your own country. Note if she’s focusing on your conversation or rather on making sure to switch off her cell phone in her purse that rings every few minutes. If she constantly runs out to the bathroom to talk to someone on the mobile you should probably see a red light there. And if she insists on being in the most remote booth in each restaurant you take her out to as if she’s hiding her dates with you from someone else, it’s getting very red!
– If she always brings her own interpreter to dates and insists on never meeting without her or with a different interpreter, it might mean that interpreter was the one writing all her letters instead of herself. Hire an independent interpreter and see if your date accepts that. If she does the odds of her being the genuine increase. If she doesn’t the light gets redder.
– Oh yes, if her strict brother or uncle is following her everywhere during your dates, there’s no crossing to this road at all 🙂
- AND SOME THINGS MANY MEN NEVER PAY ATTENTION TO OR TEND TO MISINTERPRET…
– Will she slow-dance with you in public? Or give you a peck on the cheek? Or thank you for the nice time you spent together with a sincere smile? Or offer to show you around town and go for a boat ride instead of staying in restaurants and shopping malls all the time? All these small things will tell you a lot as to whether she’s feeling serious or just dating for financial reasons or out of boredom. You can’t expect sex too soon in the relationship and you can’t even set rules for the level of affection she has to give for you. Emotionally every human is different and everyone’s affection and physical expression level are not the same. She could have been emotionally hurt in a previous relationship or just come from a very strict family. But the basic signs of her appreciation for you and her willingness to spend more time than just 2 hours per day at the dinner date will tell you some things about what she really hopes for with you.
– Does she ever wonder about the difficulties of adapting in your country rather than just expressing her admiration for it? Does she ask about the negatives of living in your area or the cultural differences she could face there? Nothing to feel bad about, she is just realizing relocation is too serious a decision to be taken lightly, and she really DOES think of it as a possibility for her. So that would be a green light.
– Did she tell you she isn’t yet ready to make a decision on marriage after your first real meeting and needs to spend more time with you? Are you upset she isn’t jumping into your travel bag to be taken to the USA “stuffed or frozen”? No need to feel that way as she is just being realistic. And the light keeps getting greener here!
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