Match Guaranty

Battle of the Sexes

It’s a familiar term in the west but the gender battle holds a very different perspective for people from Eastern Europe. This article is NOT meant to be a definitive guide for guys from the west intent on finding a beautiful Slavic wife but it will go a long way to helping you understand the difficulties they face integrating into western society.

The very first thing you should understand is that most Slavic women view western feminism as bordering on ridiculous.  The main reason for this is that almost all eastern cultures have achieved “gender equality” under previous communist regimes.  There is a distinct difference biologically, mentally, and physically between men and women which most people would agree upon, and it is these differences that are embraced by the majority of Slavic cultures.  They do not view them as advantages or disadvantages, merely different.

Slavic culture is a patriarchal society, and though it is changing over the years, men tend to dominate in public life.  Inside the realm of the family though, wives wield significant power and make the majority of the decisions relating to the home.  A traditional phrase here is; “A husband is the head of the family yet the wife is the neck. Wherever the neck turns, the head turns with it.”

History

Most immigrant women come from societies in which gender roles are rarely challenged. Soviet and communist ideology promoted feminism and true equality between all peoples of their “republic”.  For decades, women worked alongside men in fields, factories, universities and even underground mines. This increased even more during WWII when men were forced to the battle front and women were the only ones left to work at manufacturing plants or communal farms. Equal opportunity clauses guaranteed women’s rights, in some countries even predating the West. Today, one of the biggest holidays in post-Soviet states is Women’s Day, celebrated on the 8th of March every year.

These days, most of these countries have strayed from communist ideology and returned to more traditional patriarchal and Christian values. However, women in the workforce and equality under the law remains constant. Eastern European society stresses its patriarchal nature, in which gender roles are distinct but complementary, with respect to the role of women. Gender relations in Eastern Europe exist on two very different levels. On the one hand, the world of public institutions is male dominated nonetheless, there are female politicians, scientists and CEOs. On the other hand, interpersonal relations between men and women are either egalitarian or women receive preferential treatment. Politeness toward women is highly valued.

Eastern families tend to be patriarchal, and women, while treated with respect, are viewed as keepers of home and hearth. They are not really expected to build a career nor to achieve a high position in society. Their only expected life goal is to marry a good man and to have children. They will get a higher education. Documents mean everything in those countries and most white-collar jobs require a university diploma, but almost no one works in the field that they studied. Additionally, girls view college as a place where they can find a future husband. Although everyone is taught English, due to poor teachers and methodology, only a minority know it well.

In many, if not all of these countries, there is a gradual change occuring, mostly because of western influence but also because cultures are maturing and becoming more educated.  Many women who attend university now are in female dominated classrooms and as time goes on, a chance meeting with a future partner is no longer a consideration.  Many of those women DO go on into their chosen employment field. This new generation will slowly change the perspectives of  a culture BUT it is unamious about will NOT change, and that is the traditional view of family, hearth, and home. Almost ALL of them still wish to become a mother and a doting wife and in the foreseeable future, that will not change.

Western Differences and Integration Difficulties

The role of the feminist movement in the west has caused great difficulties for women from eastern cultures. They view the fight for gender equality in the west as confusing, simply because it makes it impossible for them to see the difference between how a male and female should act.  In their own culture, their very gender automatically gains them courtesy and respect but in the west, women not only demand such a thing, but even more whilst expecting to be treated as an equal.  Is it any wonder eastern women are confused?

Thousands of women come from Eastern Europe to the west every year. Very often, new immigrants have difficulties decoding gender norms in the culture of their new home. Rules about appropriate male and female behavior tend to be subtle, unspoken, and ambiguous.  In the United States, gender norms have changed rapidly in the past 30 years, making them difficult to articulate even for Americans themselves! The main areas of confusion are thus:

•  gender-neutral relationships – business, friendship, etc.;
•  competition between men and women at the workplace and on the social ladder;
•  female assertiveness in life;
•  sexual harassment – what is and isn’t acceptable;
•  feminism – the struggle for the rights of women.

Immigrants confess that they often cannot distinguish between male and female behavior in Western society. In their motherland, business relations are mostly gender-neutral, people still acknowledge the gender of their co-workers. In America, it’s hard to see a difference.  They note the prominence of discourse about sexism and sexual harassment in American culture. They sense an ever-present fear of misunderstanding in American workplaces and notice that Americans pay special attention to avoid any references to gender that may be interpreted as sexist. “Men don’t see women at work, they are afraid to look at a person who is female,” says one woman from Belarus (age 45, 2.5 years in the US). As a result, interactions with coworkers often become, “sterile,” “cautious,” and “impersonal.” Such communication is characterized by an avoidance of personal issues and discourse routines, which make the interaction predictable and boring.

They feel that American women “pay a high price for being equal,” and by being treated the same way as men, they no longer have as many privileges as women in Eastern Europe do.

How Can I Help?

Firstly, understand the difference of perspective, understand and acknowledge that she IS different, but most of all, understand how confused she must feel.  She has undertaken a huge responsibility to you, family and herself by moving to your country to be with, do we need say this, to be with you!  Imagine how you would feel in the same situation.  Understand, sympathize, empathize, assist. She needs your help, give it freely, willingly and demonstrate that her confidence in you as a husband and a partner was not misplaced.

To sum up, Eastern Europe women are in no hurry to join the Battle of Genders. Mostly, they avoid it and watch from the sidelines. Your patience in this is invaluable.

They learn their new role slowly and cautiously. Naturally, younger ones tend to adapt faster, but generally, immigrants prefer their patriarchal norms and values and try to make their husbands feel stronger and show how much they care about them and their children. If you end up with one, the same will apply to you.  Just remember, it’s a two-way street and you have a responsibility too. Good luck!